Hmmm... I'm Not Emo.

I thought I was being too emo for the past couple of weeks. I don't think I'm emo but I'm in an unhappy place right now. I wrote a note on Face Book about it. I feel like I'm trying to grow up and mature a little but I don't have support from my friends. I mean I have support from my friends, just not the ones that are supposed to be my close friends. I feel like they just don't care. I haven't seen one of them in weeks. And we used to hang out every day. I don't know what happened. He's always been very flaky but not like this. It's just disappointing. I feel like we've grown apart for no reason at all. Another one is just... I don't know. I wrote about her on Face Book and I sincerely apologize for doing that. I should have talked to her about it rather than write about it elsewhere. I really do feel sorry for doing that kind of shit. But I do feel those things. It's not really her fault. I am what I am.

I think, now that graduation is really, really close, I'm getting a little nervous about after graduation. I mean I would love to go to grad school. I have two careers in mind: social work and public policy. I've always wanted to work with people. I'm a computer nerd and everything but I think I'm much happier working with people. I also want to change the world. At least, I want to change some things in our world today and make things more equal. The dominant group has been in power for too long. There needs to be some new blood in the mix. And President Barack Obama's nomination really inspired me. I do have two other dreams: law school and politics. I want to become a lawyer not just because of the money but because it's getting at the root of justice. Lawyers have always fascinated me. They can pretty much twist anything and I think that takes a lot of logical thinking. Plus, I like learning about laws and how it works. Maybe that's why I want to get into politics. I want to get into the government. That is where the public policy comes in. I want to change laws. I feel like there are too many things in our law books that just make no sense. They need to be updated and follow modern lifestyles. Plus, there are like no Asians in the American government. I think I can infiltrate that. Definitely.

Anyway, those are my thoughts of the day. Enjoy.

Here's a copy of my FaceBook Note:

I'm in a weird place in my life. I'm trying to reevaluate my shit and get myself straight. But it's hard when it seems like I have no support from my friends. Especially from the ones that seem like my close friends. Everyone seems so wrapped up in their own lives. I mean I know that it's not fair to ask people to drop things just like that. But it would be nice to see some consideration. It would also be nice if people matured a little. Honestly. I'm tired of the bullshit. I find myself being fairly lonely. Which really sucks. I mean I haven't changed that much. I feel like I have just begun to grow up a little. Which is what I need.

I went home this weekend. It was nice to see my friends at home but one friend in particular just pissed me off. We hung out but all we did was talk about her. She didn't ask me what I'm doing in my life right now. She didn't ask anything actually. All she did was talk about her fucking self. She makes her life out to be some sort of horrifying nightmare but you know, I just don't see why she's complaining. She puts herself in that place. It's not anyone else's fault but her own but she doesn't see that. And she sees a reason to make everyone else suffer. She makes me depressed. And I am rarely sad. She makes me feel insignificant. I want to stop hanging out with her but I feel an obligation. We have a lot of history and shit has happened. I don't know what to do with this. I wish she would get over herself.

I've been finding the Dalai Lama's words inspiring. I have added my favorite quotes to my profile. I want to better myself. I need to grow up a little and be a little serious about my future. I fucked up school enough freshman and sophomore year. It's time to fix it!